I wish that you were mine.

It been months since i last blogged. Lots of things changes since then.

Let's see..

• I've officially graduated from tamesek poly.
• I've got my driving licence.
• I've found a full time job.
• I've started Jap lang course.
• I've been looking forward to fulfil my dreams and wishes bit by bit.
• I'm slowly trying to forget a certain someone.
• I'm trying my best to replace a certain someone to another.

Lots of my friends are starting their uni life in a month or two. Lots of people encourage me to get into uni and at least get a degree. Some even tell me that in future, if there's no degree, i might suffer. But uni fees arent that cheap. Is it a garentee that if i get a degree i'll find high pay jobs? Even so, there's no course that interests me in uni. If that's the case, why should i waste 3 years forcing myself to study something that i wouldnt like? I might as well live the life i've chose and live the life that i prefer. I feel that i'm much happier in the way i am now. Since i'm interested in languages, i'll set my determination to work hard and study hard for it. Since it's the road that i've chose. But good news is that way before my lessons even start, i've been self revising on my own!! This had never happen before in my education life. Studying and preparing shouldnt be used on me at all. This proves how much i'm looking forward till i could fully speak and write jap!! haha. i guess that's it for now. I'll try to update my blog at least when i've off days. To keep my friends updated from my life!! ^^

PS: Thanks Zu for reminding me.. Dear friends let us meet up soon ya.. I've missing all too!! ^^ **Feel free to tag me!!

It's been months since i last blogged. I've been busy with exams (crap..), work (i only work for 2 days in feb and will only work for 4 days in mar..), holidays (just came back from redang..). Basically, i'm just to lazy to blog. =D

Recently, i guess i have to start working on my emotional control. Probably pms. I could instantly get emo and get pissed easily. But, for good reasons. I'm not even sure my change of mood is out of pms.

I just came back from redang. Overall FUN!! I love banana boat!!! It's soo cheap and fun!! Though i got most of my injuries from it too.

Went there with cas, jor and 4 other jor's friends. Not too bad a trip. I paid them fully myself. So proud of it.

To see the photos there, please facebook them. =)

Thoughts that came to my mind whether in redang or when i'm back...
1. I got so worried when i heard news that she got infection from past operation wounds and have to operate to squeeze out pus that came out of nowhere. This happened when i'm in redang. My only emo reason when i'm there. Why such things when i'm not at home. I don't even want to talk about it with anyone. No good things will happen if you share with others.

2. People do get lost in control when playing especially when they are agitated. So if i happen to keep hitting someone continuously, it's not for nothing. Don't get pissed when you are not even sure why i don't stop attacking. If you get pissed for it, at least know the reason why i didn't stop attacking. Like where you hit me. If not i DO stop. (Especially you've thrown something at some part of my body when i'm in my emo state. I need to vent my anger sometimes and that's like so nicely a chance. You don't even understand me well don't judge me by i won't stop hitting someone once i start. Ask me where you hit me first if you really want to get piss. You'll then know i attack back for a reason.)

3. I think my mum finally used my as a good example when she's lecturing my siblings. She was commentting how i did not even take money from her since i'm working, how independant i am, how i didn't even ask her for extra for my redang trip, how i paid for all my expenses, transport, how i still have money to spare her without taking them back. I probably dreamt them. It's like the day when i return from redang. I bet i'm too tired. Well, if it's really true, it's a pity i haven't got my licence. She would have more to comment that i paid my my entire driving my own. (Credits to my sis for kindly sponsoring 200 bucks for the sake that i could drive her around in future when i own a car. -_-)

4. I don't really like people to comment i'm dumb or stupid when they're not even that smart themselves. Once or twice, fine. It's still kind of funny. When it starts to go on and on, it gets very very annoying. What's wrong with giving presents during april fool day. I meant for it as a joke.

5. I'm starting to take up more and more camps. Money wise and also for fun and leisure. More camps are coming up and i heard they need more people. Especially females. Tell me if you really want to go. Experienced ones please.... Without ones, i'm sorry that orientation camp is more preferred and afterwhich, it'smore comfortable for the company and you from them on. And mostly, the orientation only last 1 day the most 2..

Okie. That's mostly what i wanted to say. I going for camp on the 10th, i hope it would be fun. This time round i'm not a newbie anymore. Koref i'm coming~~ ^^



Okie. I realise that my blog is dead. AGAIN!! i should probably revive it little by little. Hmm. Just realise something very shocking and interesting for me. But i might be more interested in the past. Well, it's not particularly of my business anymore so i probably should care that much. Practically i'm unaffected, but yet slightly over the clouds. I mean it's nice to know that no matter what changes, some things doesn't. But i don't really approve of it though. Maybe you might not know that i'm talking about you. But, i know you'll read my blog so just so to let you know, my comment is probably you should treat her better. I appreciated the fact that your care for me still doesn't change after all these times. But, i'll still feel guilty towards her you know. Just sit down and think over what you should do most and what ought not to. =D

Talking about downs. F*** i failed my TP yet again. The feeling was damn unbearable and not comfortable at all. What to do. The tester commented that i didn't check my rear mirror. I used my eye to check!! You wearing shades~~ Of course you say never see lah.. Wasted my 400 bucks as they removing parking poles and i have to learn how to park from scratch again. Irritating.

I've realised that i'm trying very hard to get over with unhappy stuffs, but i'm trying. Not that this is my choice, but it's my own way of doing. (I'd been trying for months but to no avail.) Why not i just do what i feel most needed to do for the time being, my friends to let me whine a little more and probably, i'm graduating soon. So, just let me be or doing my whinings for just a little while more. Pretty please~


PS: I might or might not like him. LOL. Talking of craps. I LoveD before?? Probably not!!!



Haven't been blogging anything bout my life for a long long period. Well, there's nothing much that happen other than random normal things thus there's nothing to blog about. HAH!

When reality comes along, everything just seems so clear that you just cannot deny that there's nothing you could do about it. It just keeps you awake and kept repeating like an alarm to wake up from dreams. But sometimes, you just can't help dreaming when the reality would hurt so much that you would rather avoid it and keep lying to yourself that everything's alright just keep dreaming and you wouldn't hurt that much. However, there are times that you just couldn't dream anymore, when you wake, the pain that strikes is far worse that you would expect it to be.

Haha. That just came to my mind. i just woke after toning for a night long for eric's birthday and the overnight is mahjong all the way at jordan's house. LOL. Win little but not much to bother to collect when other's lose that much.

i just can't help but feeling fragile at the moment. Alrighty.. Seems like my show had buffered enough. I'll just stop here. Bye.











him, him, him and still him.



Okie. I'm pissed. What for?? I shouldn't even give a damn about non-importance personnel. Why the hell do such self-centered being exist?? Phooooo.. I should relax. Shouldn't be as annoying as such. Whatever. Should i consider such person as friend?? Just my luck. I think i got the freedom to open my mouth whenever i feel like, be with whoever i prefer and to follow my own thoughts of wisdom instead of follow yours all the time. Hello~~ Who the hell do you think you ARE?? Just shut the freaking hell up whenever you wanna talk. Did you not realise no one is interested.

Okie. I should probably stop bitching about 'it'.




Thing's getting messier. i just want my mp project to to faster end and be done with. Tired of it. I'm not doing so well for my lab test. I failed my animation test.. Awww.. Mcom quiz.. Not so well done too. Damn. I just hope things wouldn't just come all at a time. Hate things to overlap one another. Whatever. Gotta mug harder!!! Kampateh~~



How long have i been missing blogging?? This proves that i'm so hardworking with my studies!! LOL!!!! Been somewhat busy..

10 random things to fill up the gaps..

1. I'm happy daily with my family. (LOVES being with my parents!!)

2. My sister is as annoying as usual.. (Poor me..)

3. Working is busy but fun.

4. I love pay days best and it's a good thing that i could have 2 happy days per month! ($_$)

5. I'm obsessed with yami yoghurt!!

6. I'm missing my cliques!! Been negleting them.. =( Sorry..

7. My hand's ichy. I wanna play mahjong. =P

8. Been studying harder than usual through my education life.

9. My temptation for sweet stuffs still didnt crease at all even though i'm trying hard for it.

10. I gained 1.5 kg. (NOooooooooo!!!!!)

That's it. Having driving prac test tomorrow. I hope i can pass!! Praying hard for it. Wish me luck!!! =D

Ciaos..



Hmm.. Let me recall what i've been doing through my vocation..

Mon: Working full day..
Tues: Driving lessons from noon, when it ends, head straight to work till 10 plus..
Wed: Driving lessons from noon, when it ends, went home for slight rest and went to teach tuition..
Thurs: Driving lessons from noon, when it ends, head straight to work till 10 plus..
Fri: Wed: Driving lessons from noon, when it ends, went home for slight rest and went to teach tuition..
Sat: Working full day..
Sun: Working full day..

BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, only occasionally that i went out with friends or went out for movies after work..


I'M TIRED!!!

HAHAHA.. But i guess i could feel slightly richer when i receive my paycheck!! =D

My school officially starts today!! (Which also mean that my blogging might start officially again today!!) Not too bad.. Short day.. Time flew past fast if not including lecture. I chit chatted through out not bothering to listen.. =P

Well, at least i got into the same class for all subjects with most of my closer friends.
Cas.. (OH NO~~~ Opps.. =P)
Zu.. (Noisy as usual..)
Denise.. (As weird as usual..)
Shiyong.. (Dumb starfish..)

Jordan had a subject different.. Oh well.. Still have to survive a sem with him i guess.. Haix.. Hehe.

Realise all my school days are short. Other than Thurs whereby there's a 3 hours break in the middle. Still debating on what i should do for that period of time.

Went shopping with my Sister.. A fair harvest~~!! Guess it's time for me to catch up with my shows.. Tata.

OH!! Interesting pics through god knows from when.. Hmm.. But difinitely after i changed to my spare phone. (I dropped the old one in the drain and it officially died off immediately.. Haix.. All things gone. Including all contacts. Thus, those who message me from now on, please tell me who you are first or else that would be what i will reply you back first. =D)

Images taken from some scrapbooking megazine that i think is interesting. I took it while my collegue were busy with the settlements..


What does this allow you to think of first??



There's an empty circle in front.. By shifting the G and adding a D beside shouldn't be that hard or expensive and it will allow it's meaning clear!! My collegue commented that i think too much. But she laughed at first sight at it. I'm sorry that it misled me~ or us~~ I guess americans or australians doesn't thinks the way chinese thinks though. HAH!!


School starts today!!



The gigantic lollipop that i found in my brother's room when i sneaked in..



I just can't resist taking picture with it though i'm in PJ chit chatting on the phone!! (o^_^o)



What i've been surviving on through my working period. Almost 1 daily. A good investment for a day's hardwork!



While my intructor left me alone in the car. Apparently my leg's quite short that this is the maximum i could take without taking of my seat belt. HEHE.. =P



This pathetic looking muffin's is actually my brother's 26 birthday cake. We couldn't be bothered to buy a delicious looking one. But he had the honour to finish it all by HIMSELF!!! HAHA!!



I guess that the older you get the smaller your cake goes~~!!! HAHAHAHA







PS: Happy and Sad, Exited and Disappointed. Stop checking out on me or try to sneak something out of me. NO chance!!! Humph! =X



It's late in the night now.. I can't fall asleep. My mind's crammed up with stuffs.. Everything..... This month work's done. I'm free tomorrow. After some very very long weeks. Finally able to rest myself.. But why my mind's isn't stopping?? Guess it's probably better if i kept myself busy. Kept my thoughts and feelings deep down. Whereby i could put them locked within without needing to check on them at all. But, now that i have the time to rest, everything automatically came right out.

Why am i feeling so down when i'm perfectly happy and contented with my life now? I have my loving family around me. Quarrels or fights, we're still together under 1 roof. I'm more than happy for this to continue on forever. I have my loving bunch of friends whom i know would always be there for me whenever i need them. I SHOULD be perfectly content. Why am i not what feeling what i'm supposed to be feeling?? Probably i'm not tired enough to drown everything into my sleep, into my dreams whereby i can't differentiate between my dreams and reality.

Outside's raining now, with some lightning and soft thunder. Why does it have to reflect what i'm feeling now so perfectly? Probably there's a slight probability that i would always feel low when the weather's bad. Great. I'm being manipulated by weather... What a joke! I just wish that i could be tired enough to fall asleep. Haix.

Memories were flashing past like some slow motion movie rewind of my life. There's somethings that i wanted to explain face to face with some people but i can't. There's things that i wanted to do, wanted to fulfil, wanted to prove myself of but i CAN'T! I feel so... 'incompetent' might be a good word to use here. Guess i should just force myself to bed. I've been working full day and sleeping lesser than i need for days. I should be tired enough.

PS: Things doesn't seems to be going smoothly.

##9 oct. I hope she will be really fine. The report's not out. A person as negetive as her, she would probably start leaving words for everything until we could really be sure that she's fine. I don't like that. I don't like the feeling at all. I WANT her to be really fine. I need her.. Though i never ever mentioned this at all. But deep down she's more impostant than anything.. I really need her...

##It's raining, getting colder.. I hope he will be sensible enough to wear a jacket if he's out now.. Cheer up soon kay? Not that we've forgotten or we didn't care. It's just that we didn't have the chance to discuss it out or be able to find time to meet you even if we have anything to give when we don't even have it on hand now. I guess by saying we've no time isn't going to help.. I hope you will give us a chance to redeem ourselves?? I'm sorry about her. Really sorry. But i couldn't do anything to help at all... Not that you needed me.. I didn't even have the courage to message you or call you to check on you. I know you will read my blog sooner or later. Please don't get mad for anything. If there's anything that i could help please tell me. I will be there if i can. Please feel free to use me as a comfort?? Well.. I'm sorry i'm not good with words.. Just find me when you need me. Kay?? Sorry...

##Why can't things in life be perfect?? Why can't we just stop at happy moments and stop there?? I believe i could be content enough to just remain at where ever those happy moments stop at. Everything i remember could stop. Just let me be there. But it's impossible isn't it??

##I realised i stopped looking up the sky, wishing upon the stars which i've always been doing in the past. I guess when the things you wished never come true, it will automatically make you stop believing in things other than to face reality. Can't i hide from reality?? Or can't i just delay the meeting from reality?? Or could i just pretend that reality doesn't exist?? It's always the reality that makes me sad. I don't like it....





I still like him.. Probably only a little now that it's some time since we last chat or last met. Probably my existance wasn't even of importance to him from the start. But what can i do to change everything??







nothing..



My freaking MPSIP is finally over!! Cheers. I very happy in the inside but seriously couldn't express it out from the outside. I'm super super shag lately, finally finding time to really sit down and relax, to even blog. I'm really tired from these few weeks of burning midnights and also from the sleepless nights that i had. I finally pass off through the hell period by merely being late once, time: 9.03. I've already got used to waking early, though really really tired but still fought the urge of going back to dreamland. I could now feel the deep dark rings under my eyelids. Why am i not sleeping now? Okie.. It takes some time to get use to if i wanted to sleep this "EARLY". Still as busy as ever, i put down almost everyday for work other than wed and fri whereby i'm teaching tuition on those days. Well, keeping myself busy might be better of for me. It keeps my mind off which i seriously meant "off". Haven't really been in contact with the outside world, my cliques of friends and my best friend. Okie.. I admit i'm feeling really guilty now. Got to find some time for gatherings together. I promise. Okie again, i'm really surrendering. I'm way too tired. Btw, today and currently Adam's birthday. So...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADAM!!!

PS: That's all, that's it. I have to really let it go and i think i really could manage it. I could finally smile and laugh wholeheartedly.. I'm being exaggerative? I do hope so.. But it's not. However, i could really put it back behind me now. Like almost totally!! Cheers!! I'm off!!



I'm not working these few weeks.. There wasn't time slot that need me for the month. Thus i'm very very free for like 2, 3 weeks' weekends?? Hmm.. Been staying at home or going to supermarket with papa. Not that i'm filial.. Haha. More of my papa would pay for everything that i wanted. =P

Went shopping with my sis on sat. Shopped at t1 and pp. Realised the f3 shops at pp closed down. Even the kfc that we wanted to tabao home closed down for renovation. In the end, we travelled down to sing post to tabao.. Well, i had free unlimited bus rides.. I love concession!!

PS: Why is it that whenever i made up my mind to give up on something, co-incidents would happen as though telling me not to give up.. Why?? It will just make things more difficult, harder to give up.. (Maybe i'm thinking too much again..)



Went Parkway Parade with my papa yesterday. My purpose was to print a few photos only but in the end after shopping, i managed to get a bag from me papa. I considerd for a long time to buy or not and in the end, i still bought it. It cost 60 plus. To the very broke me, it's very very ex.. But, it's a gift from my dad in the end. HaHaHa. LOVE HIM!! ><

I'm suppose to go out with my sis however, she ps me and went out with her friends in the end. =_=. But her friend bought me chocolate and it's one of my favourite type so you guys were forgiven. (Oh my gosh. It seems like i'm so easily bought by chocolates.. No way!!) Anyway, it wouldn't be that easy for the next time Ed!!!

I'm bored, I'm busy. I gave the next month days that i could work for my manager. Apparantly, I gave almost everyday. From my holiday onwards, other than wed and fri that i have tuition, i gave them as available working dates. Anyway, it's only for a month. I can't work as much for my oct holi..

PS: I need to get over i guess. Or should say there won't be any changes even if i don't.. I might as well move on...



Once again, i'm lost. Lost in my thoughts, lost in my direction. Out of a sudden, it seems that someone messed up my schedule for life, erased my datas that i wrote for my celender and so on. Overall, i can't differentiate between what i should do and what i should not do.

Once again, i'm hurt. Hurt by the people close to me, hurt by people i consider important in my life. I don't even know what's the part that i'm wrong in. Wrong in expressing my feeling too much. I should hide them. I should not have shown. I should not have been myself. My fake self will be coming out again. A person that i don't even know of...

Will someone please find the unseen me?

Will someone just save me from this agony?

Will it be better if i just disregard everything?

Will it be better if i just dissolve away in thin air?

Will I feel better if i throw away unnecessary emotions?

Will I be able to let go of things and take into account of nothing-ness?

Will someone see me through me and find the real me?



PS: I need a break... Seriously need one...

WeiQi
19/12/1990
Temasek Polytechnic
Sagittarius
♥♥♥

Wish

♥Him again =P
♥driving license!!
♥Overseas dream fulfiled
♥better grades this sem
♥Wallet
♥♥♥

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